#hum

It seemed his demon couldn't tell the physical difference between when he was in danger and when he was "in" Danger. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely—a creature they’d known for centuries—because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #humor

Thank you very Much, I enjoyed myself ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#self-esteem #self-inspired #humor

Sam found a chair under Robin’s butt and evicted him from it, bringing it over to his pregnant wife.“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Robin apologized. “Thanks,” Alyssa said to Robin as she sat down, even as she gave Sam a darkly amused look. “What?” he said. “I was just helping him think. ↗

— Suzanne Brockmann

#humor

Did I expect him to think sucking my cock was anything other than disgusting? I‟d never even kissed a girl, and believe me, if someone forced me to take part in some below-the-belt mouth-to-vagina action, I think I‟d probably vomit. ↗

— Cardeno C.

#sweet-romance #humor

On the sixth day God saw He couldn't do it all, so He created ENGINEERS ↗

— Lois McMaster Bujold

#humor

Oh, adorable, delicious Amelie. If I weren't so completely straight and enamored with cock, I would devour this sweet little tart. ↗

— Ella Dominguez

#humorous-quotations #humor

No walking! No standing, no bending, no moving, no accessing the Shadow Roads, nothing. You don't swim for an hour after eating, you don't swan around like an idiot for an hour after narrowly avoiding death.' 'Toby does,' said Quentin. 'Toby is genetically predisposed to swan around like an idiot,' Jin shot back. 'Now sit. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#humor #spoiler #death

Article 100: "When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection." Corollary: "If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall put his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull down to get a better look. ↗

— Barney Stinson

#humor

I was done with men. Totally and completely. I was looking forward to a life as a cat lady. I was going to get a dozen cats and a fucking great vibrator, maybe one of those rabbits I heard about, and that was it. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#romance #humor