#hum

Jace perched on the windowsill and looked down at him. "You really don't get this bodyguard thing, do you?" "I didn't even think you liked me all that much," said Simon. "Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I thought it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house a night and throw up in his mailbox." "I'm pretty sure that's not it ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-fallen-angels #humor #jace-lightwood #simon-lewis #humor

You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. ↗

— Anne Lamott

#fundamentalism #god #humor #idolatry #spirituality

Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria. ↗

— Benjamin Franklin

#humor #freedom

Curiouser and curiouser. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#favorites #humor #humor

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#dead #house #humor #lady-gaga #love

You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#sex #vampire #humor

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humour #teaching #humor

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #humor