#hum

Once she remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two people. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor

We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!" "Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#dan-cahill #humor #ian-kabra #venice #humor

You wouldn't think that people would believe that we all got so incredibly beat up—in so many interesting ways—from a bear attack. Especially not when Carmel is sporting a bite mark that is a spot-on match for wounds found at one of the most horrifying crime scenes in recent history. But I never fail to be surprised by what people will believe. ↗

— Kendare Blake

#humor #humor

You suck, surprising no one!!!! If bad was a boot, you'd fit it!!!! You're a stupid poo-poo head! I had sexual relations with your mother! Your mother was not that good in bed! You, sir, are a wretched soul! I am rubber, you are glue! ↗

— Bryan Lee O'Malley

#humor

His eyes are peculiar. There is nothing in them, like an eclair without the cream filling. It's wrong, lack of cream. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor #humor

The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That’s cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humour #humor

Muurp," muurped Edwart. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#humor

Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no one's ever eaten before? Like chicken and telepone ice cream? Green mouse ice cream was the worst. I didn't like that at all. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#ice-cream #humor

Decent people have too much respect for others to be overachievers. ↗

— Bauvard

#decency #funny #humor #funny

If we have to be cat burglars, I'm going to see what' to steal in the fridge." We're trying to find evidence she's the poisoner. Just a thought before you start putting random things in your mouth." Ruth shrugged and walked past Val. ↗

— Holly Black

#humor