#hum

Is this bitch crazy? I don't want to 'accidentally' drown ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor

I had a sudden dismal view of my future, of being led around and asked incessantly, like one of those Verizon commercials, Do you feel sick now? ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

I'm a confused child. ↗

— Sammy Burchell

#humor

By the way, did you fellows know that a hummingbird weighs as much as a quarter? Do you think a hummingbird also weighs the same as two dimes and a nickel? But then she asked a question of her own: How do they weigh a hummingbird? ↗

— Calvin Trillin

#humor #questionstruck #trillin #humor

For the first time in nearly twenty-five years, our country is having anything to do with the Chinamen, an it is an event far more important than any damn ping-pong game. It is diplomacy, and the future of the human race might be at stake. Do you understand what I am saying?" I shrug my shoulders an nod my head, but something down in me sinkin' fast. I am jus' a po' ole idiot, an now I have got the whole human race to look after. ↗

— Winston Groom

#humor

He was a windbag. He made a great many orations, and I imagine he did a very good job, but he was still a windbag ↗

— Harry S. Truman

#humor

Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws. ↗

— Karl Kraus

#humor #sex #humor

No men who really think deeply about women retain a high opinion of them ↗

— Otto Weininger

#inspirational #science #humor

I had never seen so much hair on a man. It covered all of his face and grew way down to his chest, maybe lower, but he didn't have hair where it counted, on top of his head. ↗

— John Lame Deer

#humor

You gotta be cool. That's all. Remain refrigerated. ↗

— Donn Pearce

#humor