#hum

Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird. ↗

— Anne Lamott

#inspirational #writing #humor

Live each day like it's your last, 'cause one day you gonna be right ↗

— Ray Charles

#life #humor

He rose to his feet and padded down the last few steps silently, came up behind Kim, and leaned over her to say, “I vant to drink your blood” in a heavy, fake Dracula accent. She shrieked, flailed, and a zombie ate her brains on-screen."! ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor

it's your own fault for encouraging him..., you know. Now he thinks he's a human being. Neal of Queens cove ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor

Keanu Reeves?" she asks in amazement. I nod. "What did he wish for?" "Isn't it obvious?" I say, waving a hand at the screen. "Fame." "That's why he's famous? Because of a wish?" "Have you seen his movies? Surely you didn't think he made it on his acting skills?" I grant wishes; I don't work miracles. Viola looks back at the screen, eyes screwed up in awe. "I guess that makes sense," she says faintly as my former master delivers a line poorly. "Wow. ↗

— Jackson Pearce

#djinn #humor #keanu-reeves #humor

Be quiet, or I swear to God I'll take you right here ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor

No, I’m surprised he didn’t say goodbye.” “Well, of course he didn’t say goodbye.” Heather put down her mug. “You would have convinced him to stay.” “That’s not true.” “Oh, please.” Heather rolled her eyes. “You would have been like Oh, Tristan, please don’t go. Stay with me so I can crush on you and giggle at everything you say.” Heather nodded. “That’s what it would have been like. In that high-pitched voice and everything. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#humor

Nick spoke for the first time. "Can I go to the nurse's office too?" Ms. Popplewell looked at him It obviously took her only one look to decide. "No." "I'm traumatized too," Nick claimed, his voice completely flat. "He's a delicate flower," Alan said under his breath. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#young-adult #humor

Just like credit card companies, or those student loan people. Now there's evil for you. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.'What? Did you think one little mage was going to do me in?' He swallowed hard. 'Hell, that was just a warm-up. ↗

— Karen Chance

#damphir #dorina #fiction #humor #mage