#hum

It's never just a game when you're winning. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied "I love you back" and not "I love your back" before you continue the conversation. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#life #love #misheard-words #humor

Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#humor

NO PDA,school rules. And besides she's my partner dickhead." said Alex. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. ↗

— George Carlin

#god #humor #humor

I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was coming?" "I know who you are, but..." Maia looked dazed. "You look so...so...shiny. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magnus-bane #maia #mortal-instruments #humor

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #motherhood #parenthood #parenting #humor

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years. ↗

— Tina Fey

#grammar-humor #humor #stress #humor

Adventures are never fun while you're having them. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#humor