#hum

Is he mad? Anyway there's something on his mind, as sure as there must be something on a deck when it cracks. ↗

— Herman Melville

#intellect #mental #humor

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#humor

I have seen dragons. Perhaps you will see a dragon. I won't say where I saw one. Perhaps I did not. ↗

— M'aiq the Liar

#humor

Quotations "Oh man, I hate that poofing shit. You scared me so bad, Ash, you made me eat this crappy cheese." (Nick in Night Embrace). ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

I am for hockey. I find I should like to hit something with a stick. -Gemma Doyle Trilogy ↗

— Libba Bray

#hockey #humor #life #humor

How...how are you doing, Jace?' Holding on. Just barely. Charlie?' Charlie's tone is almost conversational. 'Kind of getting the urge to kill both of you. Think I'm gonna head back.' Sure, okay, no problem.' Yeah, yeah, good idea. You do that. ↗

— D.D. Barant

#dying-bites #humor #humor

Cartooning is preaching. And I think we have a right to do some preaching. I hate shallow humor. I hate shallow religious humor, I hate shallow sports humor, I hate shallowness of any kind. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#cartoons #humor #preaching #shallow #shallowness

Growl, you live in a slime lair and maintain an identity as the mysterious overlord of an undersea city, you command a fleet of meat dreadnaughts with crews of humanoid whale people, and you're currently reclining in a pulsating mass of gelatinous goo that looks like it escaped from hell's own Jell-O mold--so excuse the fuck out of me if I question your motives. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

I belong to the 8% of the world population who calm their apprehension by drowning it in numbers. ↗

— Muriel Barbery

#humor

That night, when SanJuanna had cleared the main course and brought dessert in, my mother called for quiet and said, "Boys, I have an announcement to make. Your sister made the apple pies tonight. I'm sure we will all enjoy them very much." "Can I learn how, ma'am?" said Jim Bowie. "No, J.B. Boys don't bake pies," Mother said. "Why not?" he said. "They have wives who make pies for them." "But I don't have a wife." "Darling, I'm sure you will have a very nice one someday when you're older, and she'll make you many pies. Calpurnia, would you care to serve?" Was there any way I could have a wife, too? I wondered as I cut through the browned C and promptly shattered the entire crust. ↗

— Jacqueline Kelly

#humor #humor