#hum

I had a standing agreement with god. I'd agree to believe in him, barely, so long as he let me sleep in on Sundays. ↗

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner! ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#humor #inappropriate-remarks #offensive-remarks #humor

There are all kinds of psychological disorders in the West that don't exist in Asia. ↗

— Amy Chua

#humor

Can we go to work now? Because we're about a minute away from breaking out the ice cream and talking about our feelings, and I don't think we can come back from that. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

You're Giving me a...stick" MaryL to a very dangerious vampire ↗

— L.J. Smith

#humor #humor

I did not tell Fat this, but technically he had become a Buddha. It did not seem to me like a good idea to let him know. After all, if you are a Buddha you should be able to figure it out for yourself. ↗

— Philip K. Dick

#humor #self-awareness #spirituality #humor

We have souls. Sure we do. Otherwise we'd do bad things all the time. You know, like politicians. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#humor

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #humor

I pray. I go to mass. I even remember to respect my elders and help little old ladies across the street. What the hell did I do to deserve this? ↗

— Lora Leigh

#humor #humor

And I was fairly certain that my strong-enough-for-King-Kong-but-made-for-a-woman deodorant had utterly failed. --Doom with a View ↗