#humor

I think I found my soulmate. Only someone like me can plague me beyond my limits. ↗

— Jaf Liethers

#jaf-liethers #quote #soulmates #humor

And Finally I put down the last and the best advice I knew, on growing older. 'Stand up straight and try not to get fat. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#humor

The guards had asked the Doctor to please wait in the hallway until Mr McCavity had time to see him. So it seemed only polite, the Doctor thought, to wait until they had gone before he wandered off to explore the house. ↗

— Justin Richards

#humor #the-doctor #humor

The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Nemo suggested that it might be some monster giant but his papa called him a "rattlebrain" and ordered him to pacify his mama who was making elaborate plans to faint. ↗

— Winsor McCay

#humor #stilted #humor

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married. One should always be in love - that's the reason one should never marry. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #love #marriage #humor

But this is something new!' said Mrs. Munt, who collected new ideas as a squirrel collects nuts, and was especially attracted by those that are portable. ↗

— E.M. Forster

#humor

I love seeing other channels counterprogram the Super Bowl. PBS: "DAMN RIGHT we're airing a new 'Masterpiece Classic'! Fuck off, sports! ↗

— Tara Ariano

#humor #pbs #twitter #humor

Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree! ↗

— Matt Groening

#humor

may yes can you carry me asked pumpkin No ↗

— Jodi Lynn Anderson

#humor