#humor

What is there," Owain wondered aloud, to the sky above him and the soil below, "persuades this man still that my words do not mean what they seem to mean in sane men's ears? ↗

— Edith Pargeter

#men

Mum calls you happy.” Emily giggled. “Huh? I don’t know your Mom…” “She says men like you are happy!” Garry stared at her, uncomprehending. He’d rarely felt less happy in his life. “She means gay,” Max said, and now there was a grin on his face. ↗

— Clare London

#men

What's a feminist?" Julie asked. "Someone who thinks women are fish," Barton replied. He was smiling at Lily. "And that men are bicycles, which makes us basically useless to anyone of the fish persuasion. But it does categorize us as creatures who exist solely for the purpose of being ridden. ↗

— Dianne Dixon

#humor #men

I'm up there trying to do my Chore. I've got the men's bathroom. There's something... Pat there's something in the toilet up there. That won't flush. The thing. It won't go away. It keeps reappearing. Flush after flush. I'm only here for instructions. Possibly also protective equipment. I couldn't even describe the thing in the toilet. All I can say is if it was produced by anything human then I have to say I'm worried. Don't even ask me to describe it. If you want to go up and have a look, I'm 100% confident it's still there. It's made it real clear it's not going anywhere. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#men

I'd often slip and fall on the ice after last call, which explained the ever-present welts. If I were with a woman, I'd usually execute a precautionary vomit in the men's room in an effort avoid any ugly incidents once I got her back to her place. And they say chivalry is dead. ↗

— Dan Dunn

#humor #relationships #men

Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #men #men

Last month she’d read that a man’s connective tissue aligned horizontally with the skin, whereas a female’s went perpendicular—which was why women got lumpy cellulite and men didn’t. And doesn’t that totally prove that God is male? ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#men-and-women #men

I'm a shreddermouf, aren't I?' 'I was afraid of that,' said Tansy. He was going to keep her in his larder until he was hungy again, and then he was going to rip her apart. 'Dis is my lair', said the shreddermouth proudly. 'It's de best lair in Tiratattle.' 'Is it?' said Tansy. 'Oh yes. It's a drainage tunnel. Goes right up to de surface, it does. Lots of storage space. My name's Gulp.' 'Tansy,' said Tansy, deciding not to ask him what he kept in his storage space and wondering whether introductions were quite the thing. ↗

— Elizabeth Kay

#hopeless-situation #humor #introductions #lair #men-eating-monster

[Out loud] Kitty: I object! [Telephathically] Scott: What? Emma: Bugger, was that acting? Colossus: Is not courtroom, Katya. Kitty: Shut up! I'm not good at having two conversations at once. And I hate Scott's plan! Scott: You mean you"object" to it. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#men

I learned another rule, men don't buy men flowers ↗

— Dora Okeyo

#love