#humor

I would like to shove this stick up your whoo-hoo! ↗

— NII

#humor

Don't force it; get a bigger hammer. ↗

— Arthur Bloch

#humor

People tell me that Senator Edwards got picked for his good looks, his sex appeal, and his great hair. I say to them, 'How do you think I got the job? ↗

— Dick Cheney

#politics #humor

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. ↗

— Daniel Keys Moran

#humor

The word 'personal' is one of my aversions. Personal loan. Personal hygiene. Personal safety. It's only a way of wrapping up bad news that you're in debt, or dirty, or likely to be mugged. ↗

— Helen Dunmore

#humor

A good wife would have sorted him out and put him on the right road..." There comes that right road again. I wonder where it is? Imogen thought ↗

— Jean Stubbs

#humor

I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. I have your review before me. In a moment it will be behind me. ↗

— Max Reger

#humor

Everyone Except Willie, so now why ↗

— Peter Melman

#humor

How did you do it?" he wanted to know. "Enchanted arrows? Spell of exploding flesh? Rain of fire? No, not that. The worm would be cooked and we would be eating it. Wand of destruction? Oh, a wand of destruction would be a find, fine thing." He turned to me. "Speak up, girl." I hit him with your skillet. A lot. ↗

— Holly Lisle

#humor

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. ↗

— Jimmy Durante

#marriage #humor