#humor

PREFACE PROBLEM: Nobody reads prefaces. SOLUTION: Call the preface Chapter 1. NEW PROBLEM CREATED BY SOLUTION: Chapter 1 is boring. RESOLUTION: Throw away Chapter 1 and call Chapter 2 Chapter 1. ↗

— Gerald M. Weinberg

#problem #solution #humor

Buster was queer as a cat fart. ↗

— John Irving

#humor

I think I know why you never married, Sarah." "Well, and I reckoned if I wanted something that'd come and go as he pleased, take me for granted, and ignore me when he chose, I'd get a cat. And if I wanted something I'd always have to be picking up after, getting into trouble, but slavishly devoted, I'd get a dog. ↗

— Mercedes Lackey

#men #humor

Your great puddin' of a son don' need fattin' anymore Dursley, don't worry ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It's not the books by Stephen King that I read, I need protection from the things in my head . . . ↗

— Jimmy Buffett

#humor #humor

Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night ↗

— W.C. Fields

#humor

I'm a virgin, Ariel," I whispered conspiratorially. "Sealed up like a Swiss bank account. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #virgin #humor

Self editing is the path to the dark side. Self editing leads to self delusion, self delusion leads to missed mistakes, missed mistakes lead to bad reviews. Bad reviews are the tools of the dark side. ↗

— Eric T. Benoit

#humor #reviews #yoda #humor

Can I view thee panting, lying On thy stomach, without sighing; Can I unmoved see thee dying On a log Expiring frog! ↗

— Charles Dickens

#humor

Do not stand downwind from a sweaty person... ↗

— Ivana Hruba

#humor