#humor

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table. ↗

— Stendhal

#companionship #humor #trust #humor

Sonreí y ofrecí mi mejor cara de idiota. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#idiota #sonrisa #humor

He went through the cupboards, found the olive oil, and started upstairs again. He glanced down at the green and gold label and had to bite back a laugh at the words Extra Virgin. That about summed it up. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#humor

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high! ↗

— Bruce Baum

#humor

I leveled the gun and fired until it was empty. ↗

— Rachel Brady

#murder #mystery #skydiving #sleuth #humor

Rhett: Here’s the problem. I am not the sexual equivalent of an espresso machine. ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#humor #sperm-donor #humor

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Я не могу питаться вегетарианскими сосисками ↗

— Ilya Ilf

#humor

And just because a talking donkey tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true. ↗

— Matt Mikalatos

#humor

This is an ugly and mean world, and only to spite it we mustn't weep. If you want to know, this is the constant source of my good spirit, of my humor. Not to cry, out of spite, only to laugh out of spite, only to laugh. ↗

— Sholem Aleichem

#humor