#humor

B looked down the shaft, at a metal ladder and darkness beyond. "Me first?" Of course. You're the apprentice, so you always go first into the unknown. If anyone's going to be eaten by a grue, it should be you." Tough job. But at least the hours are terrible. ↗

— Tim Pratt

#humor #magic #spell #humor

A body is a body." Viscarro shrugged his bony shoulders. "Dead, alive, alive, dead. I fail to see the importance of the distinction." Yeah? So you'd just as soon fuck a living person as a dead one? What's the point of the distinction? Oh, right-one's normal, and one's called necrophilia." Viscarro sighed. "Touche, I suppose. ↗

— Tim Pratt

#humor #magic #spell #humor

A man who would letterspace lower case would steal sheep, Frederic Goudy liked to say. If this wisdom needs updating, it is chiefly to add that a woman who would letterspace lower case would steal sheep as well . ↗

— Robert Bringhurst

#type #typography #humor

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table. ↗

— Stendhal

#companionship #humor #trust #humor

Sonreí y ofrecí mi mejor cara de idiota. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#idiota #sonrisa #humor

He went through the cupboards, found the olive oil, and started upstairs again. He glanced down at the green and gold label and had to bite back a laugh at the words Extra Virgin. That about summed it up. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#humor

I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high! ↗

— Bruce Baum

#humor

I leveled the gun and fired until it was empty. ↗

— Rachel Brady

#murder #mystery #skydiving #sleuth #humor

Rhett: Here’s the problem. I am not the sexual equivalent of an espresso machine. ↗

— Rowena Cherry

#humor #sperm-donor #humor

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor