#ill

You're right, he's a killer," you said. "A rooster with some serious issues. ↗

— Lucy Christopher

#killer #rooster #humor

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

I finally found something that can stop the fox. The fox cannot summit Strawberry Hill.” - Takumi ↗

— John Green

#looking-for-alaska #strawberry-hill #takumi #humor

Gabriel's green eyes sought Will. "It was the pox, wasn't it? You know all about it, don't you? Aren't you some sort of expert? "Well, you needn't act like I invented it, said Will. "Just because I believed it existed. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

Severe isn't a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns...No one responds 'severe' when someone asks how her cold is. In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to 'How's your cold' with 'It sucks.' So there should be an It Sucks cold formula. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#illness #humor

I’d kill for any one of my friends. Thankfully for the overpopulated prison system, I don’t have any friends. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#kill #murder #overpopulated #overpopulation #prison

The dumber people think you are, the most surprised they're going to be when you kill them. ↗

— William Clayton

#killing #humor

If you find an Australian indoors, it's a fair bet that he will have a glass in his hand. ↗

— Jonathan Aitken

#bet #fair #find #glass #hand

That's brilliant." "I thought so. But I'm glad you agree. It will make this journey much more pleasant if you are impressed with my brilliance. ↗

— Sarah Beth Durst

#humor #humor

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#dark-humor #funny #humorous #killing #funny