#in

Actually, [Wax] said, we came here because we needed someplace safe to think for a few hours." Ranette: "Your mansion isn't safe?" Wax: "My butler failed to poison me, then tried to shoot me, then set off an explosive in my study" Ranette: "Huh.... You need to screen these people better, Wax. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #safety #screening #servants #humor

I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me ↗

— Haresh Daswani

#humor

The true reader reads every work seriously in the sense that he reads it whole-heartedly, makes himself as receptive as he can. But for that very reason he cannot possibly read every work solemly or gravely. For he will read 'in the same spirit that the author writ.'... He will never commit the error of trying to munch whipped cream as if it were venison. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#books #criticism #humor #interpretation #literature

You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey." "Karl, we're not fourteen!" "Don't bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen -- your neck owes me a hickey." (Karl & Elena) ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#elena #humor #humorous #karl #paranormal-romance

Has she glanced you way yet?" Twice," Nick said on a note of satisfaction. Meaning?" Nick glanced at him. "She's not completely disinterested." I see Moreland. That makes it an even half dozen hanging out for a rich wife. Four looking for their second. Rossman, the old satyr, certainly isn't likely to be much competition. What in the hell does he think he's doing anyway? He must be sixty." Basking, I should think. She hasn't given him the cold shoulder yet," Nick responded coolly. ↗

— Jaide Fox

#courting #humor #romance #humor

Gwen: It's not going to work. Paul: Pardon me? Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait. ↗

— Jo Leigh

#humor #romance #humor

I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #humor #pee #sink #humor

I want to fly! I want to touch the sun!" "Finish your eggs first. ↗

— Lorraine Hansberry

#humor #inspirational #humor

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson ↗

— Matt Groening

#homer-simpson #humor #matt-groening #simpons #humor

I was glad to be rid of him. He was one of those people who could go to New York and be "fascinating," but here in his own world he was just a cheap functionary, and a dull one at that. ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#irritating #poseurs #humor