#in

There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones? ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#embarrassing #funny #funny

Didn't you finish your chemistry in school?" "You closed the school and burnt all the books." "Ah, so I did. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #monsters-of-men #funny

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin #calvin-and-hobbes #funny #song #funny

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny #goldrick #harlequin-special-edition #hero #humor

Cara: *Flies* Gen: What? I don't have wings! Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy. ↗

— Jim Henson

#funny #the-dark-crystal #wings #women-power #funny

I never realized I was so notorious. Infamous, disreputable, villainous, yes, but not notorious. ↗

— Bauvard

#evil #funny #humor #infamous #notorious

It’s all about control. Control is illusory. No matter what university you go to, no matter what degree you hold, if your goal is to become master of your own destiny, you have more to learn. Parkinson’s is a perfect metaphor for lack of control. Every unwanted movement in my hand or arm, every twitch that I cannot anticipate or arrest, is a reminder that even in the domain of my own being, I am not calling the shots. I tried to exert control by drinking myself to a place of indifference, which just exacerbated the sense of miserable hopelessness. ↗

— Michael J. Fox

#improvement #parkinson-s #funny

Some girls, deserves to have you treat her like a princess everyday, just like you always do to me." - Maisie Preston ↗

— Kirsty Moseley

#love #princess #love

So the reason I was struck again and again was because of my overwhelmingly positive energy. Funny, I'd always thought of myself as a pessimist. ↗

— Jennifer Bosworth

#energy #funny #irony #lightning #sarcasm

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny