#in

Just in case you get any ideas, know that I’ll be sleeping with a can of Mace in one hand and pepper spray in the other.” - Katie Jorlan's expression turned mocking. “Just in case you get any ideas, know that I’ll be sleeping with a feather in one hand and massage oil in the other. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #prince #seduce #funny

If you do bad stuff and don't repent, you go to hell," Orc said, like he was begging for a refutation. "Yeah, well, you know what? If Howard's in hell, I guess we can all have a big get-together soon enough. a ↗

— Michael Grant

#funny #get-togethers #hell #orc #repenting

We''re all misfits here,” he says, almost proudly. “That's why I started this squat, after all.  For people like us, who don't fit in anywhere else.  Halfies and homos and hopeless romantics, the outcast and outrageous and terminally weird.  That's where art comes from, Jimmy, my friend.  From our weirdnesses and our differences, from our manic fixations, our obsessions, our passions.  From all those wild and wacky things that make each of us unique. ↗

— Terri Windling

#bordertown #dreams #fitting-in #inspiration #misfits

He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume. ↗

— Jim Benton

#cute #duckling #funny #kitten #laugh

Through such advanced techniques like sleeping, I started exploring the depths of me. And until you find out who you are, or stop yawning, I suggest you do the same. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #sleeping #funny

Agatha was so tight-fisted she could squeeze a penny and strangle Abe Lincoln. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#frugal #funny #funny

Have you ever wanted to be somebody else? Today I fantasized about being my own identical monozygotic twin. How cool would that be? I could both be me, and yet be someone completely different. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fantasy #funny #monozygotic-twin #somebody-else #funny

Are you decent?" a woman's voice called, pushing the door cautiously ajar. "Nay, but we're clothed," Cian purred. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#funny #highlander #karen-marie-moning #spell-of-the-highlander #funny

Her brain is like a filing cabinet – everything neatly stored in categories. My brain is more like soup – everything all blended and mushed together. ↗

— Cat Clarke

#laine-s-fave #funny

She shuddered. “What is it with slobbery kissers? Are they trying to drown us in spit? I mean, Jesus, swallow every now and then. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#gross #kissing #laugh-out-loud #funny