#in

Ever notice how amused people are when you point out one of their mannerisms or a funny quirk about them? They start laughing and getting happy because they're thinking, "People notice me! I'm relevent!" It's OK to have these instincts, but you have to suppress them a bit. There are 6 billion people here, so it's not all about you. You need to let other people talk for a while and pay attention to their world for a sec. ↗

— Lesley Arfin

#true-stories-drugs #funny

I can't dance, remember?" I whispered. "It's just a tango. It is like sex, except with clothes on." Then, squeezing me closer: "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, you do not know how to do that either. ↗

— Joe Schreiber

#funny #sex #tango #funny

WHY did she do this? She was a terrible drunk texter. All the things she wanted to say to people during the day came out at night, like a vampire. ↗

— Harriet Evans

#drunken-behaviour #funny #texting #funny

There is much to discover that's not on the back cover! ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#back-covers #book #book-cover #book-cover-quotes #book-covers

I can't afford my principles. I borrow them from unimpeachable people and return them to undependable people. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #principles #funny

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #intelligence #people #stupidity #humor

The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It just isn't good table manners to exclude someone from their own ridicule. That's why the juiciest side conversations occur at a table for one. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #gossip #humor #table-manners

When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them. ↗

— Bauvard

#children #funny #humor #parenting #funny

The workforce offers many outlets for personal growth to people of limited potential. You can explore your aptitude for drudgery. Or if you are the creative sort, you can join a corporation and have it come up with your ideas for you. The amount of great ideas corporations have today is astounding. They are far more original than people ever were. In fact, since the rise of the corporation I can’t think of a single person who invented anything. ↗

— Bauvard

#creativity #funny #humor #inventions #jobs

Sickly people infect everyone with pity. It undermines the mutual respect people should have for one another. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #infection #respect #sickness #funny