#ip

Vin: I don't know -- and it's all your fault, you know. I used to understand everything. Now it's all confused. Kelsier: Yes, we've messed you up right properly. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

Do everything that makes you happy"? Even if it means hurting somebody else? ↗

— Rea Erika Paraz Ebate

#humor #hurt #hurting #relationships #selfishness

I ejaculated about ten minutes ago and the stuff was black. So everything is not normal." Silence greeted that happy little announcement. Man, if he had hauled off and sucker-punched V, he would have gotten less of a shocked-out reaction. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#friendships #humor #sex #friendship

She threw herself eagerly into the paths of unsuitable men. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #penmanship #humor

Wearing a condom is like eating an icecream cone with a sock on your tongue. ↗

— Mark Gungor

#relationships #humor

Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#humor

The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#insanity #turnip #humor

If it winds up earlier, you should have a movie picked out. This is assuming she isn’t sending you the ‘let’s go back to my place’ signals. In that case—” “Don’t go there, Bob. Let’s just not go there. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#friendships #funny #humor #friendship

LADY BRACKNELL To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#engagement #humor #marriage #relationships #humor