#is

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. ↗

— Steven Wright

#breakfast #during #french #i #ordered

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. ↗

— Steven Wright

#here #i #map #over #over it

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' ↗

— Steven Wright

#asked #did #few #girlfriend #good

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? ↗

— Steven Wright

#how #know #misspelled #were #word

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. ↗

— Steven Wright

#claus #got #missing #moved #now

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. ↗

— Steven Wright

#future #i #off #only #peripheral

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. ↗

— Steven Wright

#baby #friend #him #i #i can

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. ↗

— Steven Wright

#executive #i #only #saw #second

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. ↗

— Steven Wright

#dali #dotted #every #fish #fishing

Men become wise just as they become rich, more by what they save than by what they receive. ↗

— Wilbur Wright

#just #men #more #receive #rich