#l

Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.' 'Why not?' 'I guess I'm not in the mood?' 'Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.' 'No, really, I'm OK.' 'Just taste it.' 'Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.' 'Then how about half a glass? ↗

— David Sedaris

#drinking #humor #humor

But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. ↗

— William Butler Yeats

#being #dreams #feet #i #only

Anakin.” Obi-Wan’s voice had gone soft, and his hand was warm on Anakin’s arm. “There is no other Jedi I would rather have at my side right now. No other man.” Anakin turned, and found within Obi-Wan’s eyes a depth of feeling he had only rarely glimpsed in all their years together; and the pure uncomplicated love that rose up within him then felt like a promise from the Force itself. “I… I wouldn’t have it any other way, Master.” “I believe,” his onetime Master said with a gently humorous look of astonishment at the words coming out of his mouth, “that you should get used to calling me Obi-Wan. ↗

— Matthew Stover

#obi-wan-kenobi #humor

When your done releasing sexual tensions, we have a meeting to continue!" ~ Francis Bonnefoy, Hetalia, English Dub ↗

— Francis Bonnefoy

#humor #lol #humor

True politics is about promotion of human happiness ↗

— Dr Jayaprakash Narayan Loksatta

#politics #inspirational

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all. ↗

— Shelly Crane

#humor #movie-night #sleepovers #teenagers #vampires

Night falls over Machu Picchu to the sound of Abba's 'Dancing Queen'. ↗

— Michael Palin

#machu-picchu #travel #humor

well I believe in commitment it's just I, you know, I don't stick to it. ↗

— Jim Lewis

#relationships #humor

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job. (You're totally welcome, guys. P.S. Girls can't see this sentence!!!!!) ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#humor #oral-sex #sex #humor

I do beg you to have some regard for my pride. A million years? I assure you I would stop asking after the first thousand. ↗

— Mary Balogh

#humor #humor