#la

A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Joke exchanges are carried on in deadly earnest, like a verbal duel-mouth-to-mouth combat. Bang, bang: you’re (linguistically) dead. ↗

— David Crystal

#jokes #language-play #humor

Are Cady and O'Neill Ever going to get together?" Those amber eyes weighed me heavily, and then he answered my question with a question. "Do you think they should?" "Well I said, "they've been through an awful lot together. And if there's only one book left, it kind of seems like they're running out of time ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

Salander in love. What a fucking joke. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#lisbeth-salander #millennium-trilogy #stieg-larsson #the-girl-who-played-with-fire #humor

You're not having sex with him. I know these guys, and you don't. I'm trusting you with Claudia Reeshman. You need to trust me about Dean Robillard." She wouldn't let him off that easily. "You're looking for a wife. Maybe I'm just looking for a little fun." "If you need fun," he shot back, 'I'll give you fun." She was stunned. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#sexy #humor

George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition, John showed up to rehearsal with a long list of name suggestions, and I remember each and every one of them: the Deads-men, the Deadmen, the Undeads-men, the Undeadmen, the Rots, the Rotters, the Dirts, the Dirty Ones, the Grayboys, the Eaten Brains, the Eating Brains, the Mersey Beaters, the Mersey Beaten, the Bloodless, the Graves, the Headstones, and the Liverpools of Blood. Paul ripped off John's right arm and used it to slap John across the face, then he said, "Those're horrible, mate, just horrible, y'know. ↗

— Alan Goldsher

#beatles #humor #paul-is-undead #humor

Lissa lowered her voice and added, "I might not even go to school anyway. I might defer and join the Peace Corps and go to Africa and shave my head and dig latrines." "Shave your head?" I said, because, really, this was the most ludicrous part of the whole thing. "You? Do you have any idea how ugly most people's bare heads are? They've got all kinds of bumps, Lissa. And you won't know until it's too late and you're flat-out bald. ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#humor #lissa #remy #sarah-dessen #this-lullaby

For better or for worse, but not for lunch,... ↗

— Abigail Thomas

#marriage #relationships #humor

Gwen: It's not going to work. Paul: Pardon me? Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait. ↗

— Jo Leigh

#humor #romance #humor

Where did you get that candy again?" Leven asked, worried. "The pile said 'flavored'," Clover answered back, his face a chocolatey mess. "Flavored?" Leven said exasperated. "Are you sure?" "Yes," Clover argued. "F-l-a-w-e-d--flavored. ↗

— Obert Skye

#humor #humor