#lon

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#awkward #funny #maureen-johnson #shades-of-london #funny

Did I hurt you in the parking lot?" "No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car." Great. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #ilona-andrews #the-edge

The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs." "You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?" "Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#audrey #fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar

I killed my clone and I hid his body behind every mirror I’ll ever step in front of. I’m always surprised to see him, and I never fail to brush his teeth or gaze at his decomposing body. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #kill #funny

I belong, and my penis, it be long.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #penis #silly #funny

And I meant to tell you: that was a one-in-a-thousand shot." She raised her hand. "Don't." "It was awesome," George confirmed. "It really was," Jack said. "His head exploded. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #ilona-andrew #jack

She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?" "To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool." Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #ilona-andrews #lord-bill #the-edge

It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. ↗

— Woody Allen

#christina #vicky #funny

I feel there's a funny little hole in me that wasn't there before, like a splinter in your finger, but this is somewhere above my stomach. ↗

— Louise Fitzhugh

#funny