#lt

If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flower #flowers #humor #sadness #wilt

Alan: Conning people out of their savings. Forgery. Blackmail. Selling real estate on Mars. We could have it all. You with me, Bambi?" Sin: "Clive, I was with you from 'I'm a social worker. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#young-adult #humor

I lunged, low and quick, and drove about a foot of cold steel into his danglies. Hey, I don't care what kind of fearie or mortal or hideous creature you are. If you've got danglies, and can loose them, that's the kind of sight that makes you reconsider the possible genitalia-related ramifications of your actions real damned quick. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #proven-guilty #humor

We kings do develop a certain ability to recognize objects under our noses. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#observation #royalty #humor

I was just struggling with my inner vachette and pondering the depths of my own inhumanity. ↗

— David Sedaris

#guilt #humor #ponder #humor

You are putting yourself in serious danger...' I think that I preferred to put myself in serious danger rather than confront my shame. My shame at not having become someone, the shame of not having made my parents proud after all the sacrifices they had made for me. The shame of having become a mediocre nihilist. ↗

— Marjane Satrapi

#memoir #young_adult #humor

True heroics must be carefully planned - and strenuously avoided. ↗

— Steven Brust

#taltos #vlad #humor

I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#healthy #humor #medicine #equality

Ramon looked closely at the little guy as he ate. "Maybe he's Jewish. I mean, if Sammy Davis Jr. could convert to Judaism, why not a chupacabra? We should name him Harry Mendelbaum." I held up my arms in protest. "You're all racist. Now shut up. We'll call him Taco von Precious of Svenenstein. There, everybody happy?" "Isn't von the same thing as of?" Frank asked. "Wouldn't that be kind of redundant?" "You're redundant," I said. ↗

— Lish McBride

#paranormal-fiction #young-adult #humor

His Majesty, may he live forever and prosper greatly... His Majesty, may sun finches warble sweet melodies in his ear... His Majesty, may orchids bloom in the wake of his passing... His Majesty, may minstrels compose epics at the sound of his glorious name... His Majesty, may his magnificent sword shatter the breasts of his enemies... ↗

— Rae Carson

#humor #respect #royalty #titles #humor