#lt

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#laurell-k-hamilton #funny

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

You're so far off base this time you can't even see the base! ↗

— Eileen Wilks

#insult #humor

You are evidence of your mother's strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity. ↗

— Criss Jami

#cute #difficulties #disobedience #evidence #funny

Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,' Paris muttered. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#showalter #funny

Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary ↗

— Simon Holt

#funny #simon-holt #the-devouring #funny

I said, names aren't important," he repeated. There was a silence between them for some seconds, then the Ranger said: "Do you know what is important?" Will shook his head. "Supper is important! ↗

— John Flanagan

#halt #supper #funny

Halt eyed them balefully. They were all being so obvious about not mentioning his sudden reappearance that it was even worse than if they had commented on it... 'Oh, go on!' he said. 'Somebody say something! I know what you're thinking!' 'It's good to see you up and about, Halt,' Selethen said gravely... Halt glared at the others and they quickly chorused their pleasure at seeing him back to his normal self. But he could see the grins they didn't quite manage to hide. He fixed a glare on Alyss. 'I'm surprised at you Alyss,' he said. 'I expected no better of Will and Evanlyn, of course. Heartless beasts, the pair of them. But you! I thought you had been better trained!'... 'Halt, I'm sorry! It's not funny, you're right... Shut up, Will.' This last was directed at Will as he tried, unsuccessfully, to smother a snigger. ↗

— John Flanagan

#evanlyn #halt #laughter #ranger-s-apprentice #seasickness

Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month? ↗

— Simon Holt

#quinn #simon-holt #soulstice #funny