#m

And you, Mary, if you must run off to London, why do it in that unfinished manner, so that I was left without the car, and couldn't catch anything until the midnight train at Northallerton? It's so much better to do things neatly and properly, even stupid things. ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#lord-peter-wimsey #humor

Because this is another thing your average American man in crisis does: he tries to go home, forgetting, momentarily, that he is the reason he left home in the first place, that the home is not his anymore, and that the crisis is him. ↗

— Brock Clarke

#philosophy #humor

Who’d have thought your screwball brother could have gone so serial-killer fucktwat insane? ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

You learn to smile even in you liver?' 'Even in my lire, Ketut. Big smile in my liver. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#humor

Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly... ↗

— Tony James Slater

#humor-quotes #inspirational-humor #humor

the hand has programmable fingerprints, a vibration motor, data interface capabilities-” “Wait. A vibration motor in your hand? Why?” “I’m a man, and I’m alone on the planet. Figure it out. ↗

— Joseph Lallo

#humor

I have the body of an 18-year-old, but it's in the trunk of my car and it's starting to smell. ↗

— Kimberly Cheryl

#humor

Thank you sir," she said. "I hope that your friend feels better soon." I shrugged. "The ways of the Lord" I said, "are often dark, but never pleasant. ↗

— Robert B. Parker

#humor #religon #spenser #humor

Poetic simile was strictly limited to statements like 'his mighty steed was as fleet as the wind on a fairly calm day, say about Force Three,' and any loose talk about a beloved having a face that launched a thousand ships would have to be backed by evidence that the object of desire did indeed look like a bottle of champagne. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? I didn't think it polite to listen, sir. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#music #humor