#m

Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —” “MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fantasy #humor #magic #humor

Either the kid was naturally hyper or he was hopped up on enough caffeine to give a heart attack to a water buffalo. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Ghost?” St. Vincent shot him an incredulous glance. “Christ. You’re not serious, are you?” "I’m a Gypsy,” Cam replied matter-of-factly. “Of course I believe in ghosts.” “Only half Gypsy. Which led me to assume that the rest of you was at least marginally sane and rational.” “The other half is Irish,” Cam said a touch apologetically. “Christ,” St. Vincent said again, shaking his head as he strode away. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor

I can't belly dance.' Yes, you can. It's in your fi--' Will you stop reading my goddamn file! ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

...Your angry and jealous and in the mood to do some forceful dentistry ↗

— Heather Brewer

#humor

I see you brought along your violent little girlfriend. What a nice surprise!" - Saint Dane (The Reality Bug) ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor #humor

The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don’t know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Have you ever been approached by a grim-looking man, carrying a naked sword with a blade about ten miles long in his hand, in the middle of the night, beneath the stars on the shores of Lake Michigan? If you have, seek professional help. If you have not, then believe you me, it can scare the bejeezus out of you. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#scared #humor

I don't care who her mother is," Magnus said. "You can't see me with out an appointment. Come back later. Next March would be good," "March?" Sebastian looked horrified. "You're right," Magnus said, "Too rainy. How about June? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

In a very little time they got to the corner of the field by the side of the pine wood where Eeyore's house wasn't any longer. 'There!' said Eeyore. 'Not a stick of it left! Of course, I've still got all this snow to do what I like with. One mustn't complain. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humor