#m

When I was a little kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually. ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor

Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow`s speed. ↗

— Howard Nemerov

#science #humor

For some people, getting pregnant is as easy as catching cold." And there certainly was an analogy there: Colds and babies were both caused by germs which loved nothing so much as a mucous membrane. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

The whole telling part seemed a moot point now, but how could he explain what happened? Hey, honey, I’m an alien and apparently I just doused you with some radioactive loving! Wanna catch a movie? Yeah, not cool. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #humor

It was like someone in a suit walked up to me and gave me a certificate, which stated “Roxanne Giselle Logan, Your Life is Fucked”. ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#romance #humor

You’re like seven feet tall, aren’t you?” “I am not seven feet tall,” he snapped at her as if she’d really insulted him. “I’m six-eleven.” When she smirked in disbelief, he added, “And three-quarters. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor #lock #humor

It's not that I don't trust you, Dunstable, it's simply that I don't trust you. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

They were bullyin' him, Hermione, 'cause he's so small!" said Hagrid. "Small?" said Hermione. "Small?" "Hermione, I couldn't leave him," said Hagrid, tears now trickling down his bruised face into his beard. "See -- he's my brother! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

It seemed his demon couldn't tell the physical difference between when he was in danger and when he was "in" Danger. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely—a creature they’d known for centuries—because of me. It was like watching Rudolph get shot by Santa Claus. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #humor