#m

He looked up at Stig and Hal. 'Told you this one was a keeper.' Lydia flushed as the two boys smiled. 'Shut up. You make sure you do your stuff with those two overgrown dinner bowls you call shields. ↗

— John Flanagan

#funny

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#approval #black-humor #disapproval #dishonesty #funny

What?" I asked, swallowing a mouthful. "You remind me of me." "That can't be good." I took another mouthful. ↗

— Courtney Allison Moulton

#me #remind #funny

Unless you're under 12 or into role playing, you shouldn't be wearing Mickey Mouse ears #AHOLE ↗

— Andy Ostrom

#disneyland #funny #humor #vacation #funny

You try almost dying, being chased, then hopping in a car with a complete (horny) stranger. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #funny

His whole life was a sham, a fairy tale. The truth hidden behind a wall of lies, each lie another brick in the wall until he probably couldn't see the truth anymore. ↗

— Shaun Jeffrey

#fairy-tale #lies #sham #truth #wall

My eyes have made a pact with my ears against my vulgar senses: urination is a holiday on the edge of a soothing lemonade waterfall. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sensation #urination #funny

Going to jail is the failure of the individual to realize his limitations as a criminal. Recidivism is the failure of his friends to compensate for those limitations as a team. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #jail #prison #redicivism

The earth must be flat – there's a dunce in every corner of it I travel to. ↗

— Bauvard

#flat-earth #funny #humor #stupidity #funny

If you have an enemy, just shake his hand. Then he’ll be a sworn enemy. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #handshakes #humor #oaths #funny