#m

I'm a peripheral visionary. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

You're lucky I was on that roof all day. That old man... he was trying to sell you a Sega product. ↗

— The Harvard Lampoon

#games #humor #sega #humor

I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#age

Can you believe it? Fifty miles from McDonald's. I didn't think there was anywhere in the world that was fifty miles from McDonald's. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #mcdonald-s #humor

That's it! Victoria's Secret and I are through! ↗

— Jillian Dodd

#humor

Zane glanced toward the stairwell, then back to Nick. "How close are you?" he finally blurted out. "I have no frame of reference, other than the oorah and your tongue down his throat. ↗

— Abigail Roux

#nick #zane #humor

Oh, I'm going to kill Mundungus Fletcher! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

I heard some interesting things about your performance up here." "I hear interesting things about your 'performance' all the time Doug, but you don't hear me making jokes about it. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#parenting #humor

If I fall out, pull this ring? What happens then? I sprout wings and fly?" -Spader in "The Never War ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor