#m

con-tu-ber-nal(noun). One who occupies the same tent; a tent-fellow, comrade. The thought of Percy Prewitt as my contubernal causes me to break out in hives. -From the personal dictionary of Caroline Trent ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor

I wanted to write in Kitchenese, the secret language of cooks, instantly recognizable to anyone who has ever dunked french fries for a summer job or suffered under the despotic rule of a tyrannical chef or boobish owner. ↗

— Anthony Bourdain

#reality #humor

Mimes! You can't tell me the devil doesn't have anything to do with mimes!-Paula, Holy Smokes ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor

Hey Pudge," the Colonel said. "What do you think of a truce?" "It reminds me of when the Germans demanded that the U.S. surrender at the Battle of the Bulge," I said. "I guess I'd say to this truce offer what General McAuliffe said to that one: Nuts. ↗

— John Green

#humor

How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake? ↗

— Sara Gruen

#humor

She sipped the tonic. Her face puckered again. She gagged, covered her mouth and mumbled in disgust, "Oh my God!" "I said it tasted better, not great." Abby continued to force the sour tonic down in sips. She could taste a hint of vanilla but the potion left a bitter aftertaste that was similar to vinegar. Her stomach gurgled and burned. "Water," she coughed after her last sip of tonic. "No. You'll dilute it," Noel said firmly, relieving her of the glass. Smartly, she rebutted, "Isn't that what you're supposed to do after drinking poison? Or is it throw up? ↗

— Devon Ashley

#humor #ordained #poison #tonic #humor

It was stealing her breath, imbecile. Go get a towel." -Christophe, Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow ↗

— Lilith Saintcrow

#sarcasm #humor

Then it was just the two of us. Me and Captain Hetero of the Straight Brigade. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#humor

Mr. Knightley seemed to be trying not to smile; and succeeded without difficulty, upon Mrs. Elton's beginning to talk to him. ↗

— Jane Austen

#humor

It's been a full week since she left and all you've done is sulk like a dying cow"(Kish) Dying cows don't sulk." (sin) How do you know? Do you make it a habit to hang around dying cows?" (Kish) ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor