#m

How much intelligence does it take to sneak up on a leaf? ↗

— Larry Niven

#hunter #vegetarian #humor

Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud. There is always something (All The King's Men) ↗

— Robert Penn Warren

#novel #philosophy #pulitzer-prize #humor

If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observation #observational-comedy #humor

There are two Newman's laws. The first one is "It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down." The second is "Just when things look darkest, they go black. ↗

— Paul Newman

#law #humor

A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#humor #manners #humor

The alcohol had the effect of making the black cloth blacker. This amused her; she had noted in her journal: "booze affects material as it does people. ↗

— Alice Sebold

#humor #humor

Like sheep, sidhe-seers herd by nature, until you *want* them to go somewhere. Then they're all fluffy bottoms and broken. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor #humor

so my grandmother was not without humanity. and if she wore cocktail dresses when she labored in the garden, they were cocktail dresses she no longer intended to wear to cocktail parties. even in her rose garden she did not want to appear underdressed. if the dresses got too dirty from gardening, she threw them out. when my mother suggested to her that she might have them cleaned, my grandmother said, "what? and have those people at the cleaners what i was doing in a dress to make it that dirty?" from my grandmother i learned that logic is relative. ↗

— John Irving

#humor

You sure about this writer thing son? ↗

— Christopher Moore

#writer #humor

The Challenge is to pry Bertie loose from Dain and his circle of oafish dengenerates,” Jessica said severely. “It would be far more profitable to pry Dain loose for yourself,” said her grandmother. “He is very wealthy, his lineage is excellent, he is young, strong, and healthy, and you feel a powerful attraction.” “He isn’t husband material.” “What I have described is perfect husband material.” said her grandmother. “I don’t want a husband.” “Jessica, no woman does who can regard men objectively. And you have always been magnificently objective. ↗

— Loretta Chase

#jessica-trent #romance #humor