#marriage

This was fun. We should find out we're still married more often." "Why, so every day can be a special new plunge into hell?" "Nobody I'd rather burn with than you, babe. ↗

— Erin McCarthy

#hell #humor #marriage #humor

Never marry something until you've established the perfect pizza ratio...The premise is simple. My husband and I knew we were made for each other because we're a 6:2 ratio, six slices for him and two for me...Never marry a man who wants two slices one week and four the next. They're undependable and highly unpredictable and will likely dump you for some Internet honey who says she doesn't mind his back hair. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#marriage #humor

He didn’t want to be married! And what the hell did a ‘bottom’ husband do, anyway? Was it like…like a housewife or something? Was he supposed to cook and clean and shit like that?? “I HATE cleaning! I don’t wanna be married; I wanna go back to being a whore!!!! ↗

— Twisted Hilarity

#humor

The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th. ↗

— Scott Adams

#humor #marriage #business

On page 607, alluding to the end of my first marriage (and carefully remembering to state that that's none of his business), he very sweetly says that I 'might leave a wife, but not a friend.' Nice try. Neat smear. But he shouldn't be so sure.... ↗

— Christopher Hitchens

#friends #marriage #sidney-blumenthal #smear-campaign #wives

I smiled ruefully to myself, knowing I had already experienced a far greater and deeper union with this man than that which propriety was so busy guarding against. I had seen and accepted our fate here, tonight, on the crest of this ancient hill, and all other ceremonies would be just that: rituals to please the people and make public the commitment that had been made in the privacy of my own heart. ↗

— Persia Woolley

#love #marriage #business

I'm not afraid of death, I'm just not sure there is life after the honeymoon. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#honeymoon #marriage #death

The marriage of a Jewish son is a bittersweet prospect. There is relief, always, that he has navigated the tantalizing and plentiful assemblies of non-Jewish women to whom the children of the Diaspora are inevitably exposed: from the moment he enters secondary school there is the constant anxiety that a blue-eyed Christina or Mary will lure him away from the tribe. Jewish men are widely known to be uxorious in all the most advantageous ways. And so each mother fears that, whether he be short and myopic, boorish or stupid or prone to discuss his lactose intolerance with strangers, whether he be blessed with a beard rising almost to meet his hairline, he is still within the danger zone. Somewhere out there is a shiksa with designs on her son. Jewish men make good husbands. It is the Jewish woman's blessing as a wife, and her curse as a mother. ↗

— Francesca Segal

#humor #judaism #marriage #sons-and-mothers #design

Marriage isn't for the weak or lazy. It's work, and it should be. What would be the point otherwise? ↗

— J.D. Robb

#marriage #death

Aim high, but do not aim so high that you totally miss the target. What really matters is that he will love you, that he will respect you, that he will honor you, that he will be absolutely true to you, that he will give you the freedom of expression and let you fly in the development of your own talents. He is not going to be perfect, but if he is kind and thoughtful, if he knows how to work and earn a living, if he is honest and full of faith, the chances are you will not go wrong, that you will be immensely happy. ↗

— Gordon B. Hinckley

#religious #faith