#me

ah, what am I suppose to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happen ↗

— Dane Cook

#humor #religion #humor

You know what they call alternative medicine that's been proved to work? - Medicine. ↗

— Tim Minchin

#humor #pseudoscience #quackery #scepticism #humor

Nefarious. This is what we get when we hire a Yale boy.” “You missed sacrosanct earlier. And taciturn and glowering,” Jack said. “What’s glowering?” “Me, apparently.” Wilkins pointed. “Now that has to be a joke.” He turned to Davis. “You heard that, right?” Davis didn’t answer him, having spun his chair around to type something at his computer. “Let’s see what Google says… Ah – here it is. ‘Glowering: dark; showing a brooding ill humor. ↗

— Julie James

#jack-pallas #julie-james #something-about-you #humor

...there is a celebrated aphorism insisting that the best way to live is to 'work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, and love like you've never been hurt.'...After years of hearing and reading these lines I have decided to tell the truth: the original version is wrong. There is a grave error in the wording of this adage. The correct version should go as follows: Love like you don't need the money, Work like nobody is watching, Dance like you've never been hurt. See? Doesn't that make more sense? ↗

— Gina Barreca

#gina-barreca #humor #women #humor

The two things that matter the most to me: emotional resonance and rocket launchers. Party of Five, a brilliant show--and often made me cry uncontrollably--suffered ultimately from a lack of rocket launchers. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#commentary #humor #humor

Why was the judgement of the disapproving so valuable? Who said that their good opinions tended to be any more rational than those of generally pleasant people? ↗

— Shannon Hale

#judgement #humor

Yes,' he said sincerely. 'Such a one deserves peanut butter on the seat of his pants. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #mercy #peanut-butter #silly #humor

Southern Mamas are known for being subtle, like a freight train. ↗

— Shellie Rushing Tomlinson

#southern-women #humor

There is a tiger in my room,' said Frances. 'Did he bite you?' said Father. 'No,' said Frances. 'Did he scratch you?' said Mother. 'No,' said Frances. 'Then he is a friendly tiger,' said Father. 'He will not hurt you. Go back to sleep. ↗

— Russell Hoban

#children-s-literature #humor #stalling #tigers #humor

I discovered that seventeen-year-old girls have such huge verbal energy that their brain drives them to expend it every twenty seconds. On the third day I decided I had to find her a boyfriend -- if possible, a deaf one. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#women #humor