#me

But Gale is not one to keep secrets from me. "Katniss, there is no district twelve. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#gale #hunger-games #katniss #katniss

I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it's gotten big on me. I don't know what it is. I'm so damned unhappy, I'm so mad, and I don't know why. I feel like I'm putting on weight. I feel fat. I feel like I'm saving a lot of things, and I don't know what. I might even start reading books. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#melancholy #funny

Noses run. Feet smell. ↗

— Teresa Monachino

#funny #teresa-monahcino #wordplay #words-fail-me #funny

I woke up the Following morning with the Kings of Leon telling me that "my sex was on fire." I shut off my alarm and that's when all of the memories of the previous night came rushing back. ↗

— Kristen Middleton

#lol-funny #music-lyrics #funny

The other day I found 20 dollars. It was just lying in a wallet I took from some guy’s pocket.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #choice #funny #humor #money

I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #itch #itching

It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only your clone. And besides being the perfect gift, it’d also be a surprise, because it’s not like you bought your own gift. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I’ve got a pocket full of cash, and a condom full of erection.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought