#mo

He's going to arrest the Patrician, Vimes told himself, the thought trickling through his brain like an icy rivulet. He's actually going to arrest the Patrician. The supreme ruler. He's going to arrest him. This is what he's actually going to do. The boy doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." Oh, wouldn't it be a good idea if he knew the meaning of the word "survival"... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

God save King Pendragon, May his reign long drag on, God save the King. Send him most gorious, Great and uproarious, Horrible and hoarious, God save our King. ↗

— T. H. White

#classic #humor #pendragon #humor

I'm just like any other person you can meet and greet on the street and like or not like. I'm not Holden or Humbert. You can really touch me! If you don't believe me, come to Aristod right now. Come hold and hump me! ↗

— Brian Celio

#humbert #humor #salinger #wordplay #humor

Oh go get some dignity. I think it's in the aisle next to the Q-tips. ↗

— Gasmaskman

#humor

We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.' 'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use. ↗

— Adam Rex

#humor #toilet #humor

Alright. You hate me, I'm not too fond of you. It's mutual..." he muttered, walking hesitantly toward the stallion, hand outstretched, "I know you want to bite my hand off, but I swear I have no carrots, so you have no excuse. You want to throw me when I get on you...but if you even try, I will stab you. ↗

— Shanda Sharlow

#horse #humor #humor

They didn't come to crush the city. They came to crush the hubris of its king." "That must have hurt," Oates said. Umber pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hubris means arrogance, you great buffoon. ↗

— P.W. Catanese

#humor

Goooooooooooood luck with THAT! ↗

— Fritzyll

#ironic #humor

I've never understood the term "Fun Size!". There is absolutely nothing funner about smaller portion sizes! ↗

— Whitney Crandall

#humor #humor

I handed my tools. The two of them reached down to help me out of the crater I'd dug. ''Isn't that a little deep?'' Yoda asked. ''It'll help the roots get established,'' I explained. ''Established where? China? ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#digging #garden #humor #humor