#mo

I love seeing other channels counterprogram the Super Bowl. PBS: "DAMN RIGHT we're airing a new 'Masterpiece Classic'! Fuck off, sports! ↗

— Tara Ariano

#humor #pbs #twitter #humor

Painted on shirts went over so well I thought, why not painted on pants? Well, the big shot manager at Krusty Burger didn't agree! ↗

— Matt Groening

#humor

may yes can you carry me asked pumpkin No ↗

— Jodi Lynn Anderson

#humor

I had taken the photograph from afar (distance being the basic glitch in our relationship), using my Nikon and zoom lens while hiding behind a fake marble pillar. I was hiding because if he knew I'd been secretly photographing him for all these months he would think I was immature, neurotic and obsessive. I'm not. I'm an artist. Artists are always misunderstood.(Thwonk) ↗

— Joan Bauer

#humor #infatuation #insecurity #shyness #stalking

Remember the Hottentots?" asked James. "They've become the Khoi now, which means that the Germans will have to retire that wonderful word of theirs, Hottentotenpotentatenstantenattentater, which means, as you know, one who attacks the aunt of a Hottentot potentate. ↗

— Alexander McCall Smith

#humor #humor

When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#inspirational #life #satire #humor

I'd like to show you who's the boss, but I'm afraid it would only confirm that you are. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#inspirational #humor

When a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is heard, must it always have come from the book? ↗

— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

#humor

Your name is Chet? Chet the Celestial Being?" "Look," he says. "I don't need this." "Do you really think I'm becoming a vampire?" "You are becoming a vampire. Within a few months, you'll be a killer." He moves to rise. "Damn," says Chet the Celestial Being. "I am unused to physical existence and my leg has fallen asleep." (pg. 39) ↗

— M.T. Anderson

#humor

Anyone can have an off decade. ↗

— Larry Cole

#humor #losers #self-effacement #humor