#mo

Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#interference #humor

It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome. ↗

— Gayle Forman

#humor

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one. ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#humor

And a refrigerator may hold a basket of strawberries, which would be important if a maniac said to you, "If you don't give me a basket of strawberries right now, I'm going to poke you with this large stick." But when the two elder Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire opened the refrigerator, they found nothing that would help someone who was wounded, dying of thirst, or being threatened by a strawberry-crazed, stick-carrying maniac. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#food

Because this absolutely insane - the craziest thing I'd ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I'd give my firstborn to eat lunch with, more stupid than kissing Daemon. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #humor

Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor

When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I spilled more times than a glass of milk on a roller coaster. ↗

— Scott Westerfeld

#humor