#mo

Well, so you don't get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle." He puffed out his chest. "In pen. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#lol #putting-on-his-big-boy-pants #humor

Walter Plinge said: "You know she asked me a very silly question Mrs Ogg! It was a silly question any fool knows the answer!" "Oh, yes," said Nanny. "About houses on fire, I expect..." "Yes! What would I take out of our house if it was on fire!" "I expect you were a good boy and said you'd take your mum," said Nanny. "No! My mum would take herself!" "What would you take out then, Walter?" Nanny said. "The fire! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Max - "...Do me a favor, if the constable comes knocking, tell him I was here all morning, will you?" Dodsley - "Killed someone again, did we?" Max- "Never before luncheon, Dodsley. It's still early yet. ↗

— Gaelen Foley

#humor #romance #humor

Like he cared about a lot of stupid settlers and Indians and soldiers who hung around out here before he was even born. Hell, before his prehistoric grandparents had been born. Who gave a shit about Crazy Horse and Sitting Bullshit. He cared about X-Men and the box scores. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#humor

Individuality: ten. Cautiousness: three. Combativeness: nine." She looked over and gave me a wink. "Well, what did you expect from a pirate's daughter? Hope: eight. Amativeness. What's that?" Kate acutally blushed. "I think it has something to do with your attractiveness to the opposite sex." "Ten," said Nadira, smiling modestly. (Skybreaker by Kenneth Oppel) ↗

— Kenneth Oppel

#humour #nadira #skybreaker #humor

Or you just not ask her." "You might as well slit my throat. ↗

— Dee Henderson

#romance #humor

I don't want to hurt you, Mistress Weatherwax," said Mrs Gogol. "That's good," said Granny. "I don't want you to hurt me either. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

My job is to scream cockle-doodle-doo. Don't blame me if the sun doesn't rise. ↗

— Janet Skeslien Charles

#job #work #humor

I meditate, and when I do, Prince Harry appears in my subconscious and meditates with me. It's a little strange but I don't think there's anything I can do about it. Sometimes he's not the only one; the other day it was me, Prince Harry, the Dalai Lama, Mr. Rogers, Coco the gorilla, and George Clooney. We were all floating above the earth looking down at the continents as they passed. George Clooney suggested I visit Providence, Rhode Island. The Dalai Lama sighed deeply and said he'd like to visit Tibet. Poor Dalai Lama. ↗

— Kristin Cashore

#humor #meditate #tibet #humor

Let me tell you, if you have never seen an agitated squirrel you have seen very little, nor have you heard much, because the sound of an angry squirrel is not to be forgotten. ↗

— Joe R. Lansdale

#humor