#mo

When a woman wants me to do anything (my daughter, or not, it doesn't matter), I always insist on knowing why. The oftener you make them rummage their own minds for a reason, the more manageable you will find them in all the relations of life. It isn't their fault (poor wretches!) that they act first and think afterwards; it's the fault of the fools who humour them. ↗

— Wilkie Collins

#humor

tea. He watched her while she made it, made it, of course, all wrong: the water not on the boil, the teapot unheated, too few leaves. She said, "I never quite understand why English people like teas so. ↗

— Graham Greene

#humor

When the bishop farted we were amused to hear about it. Should the ploughboy find treasure we must be told. But when the ploughboy farts... er... keep it to yourself. ↗

— Kingsley Amis

#humour #humor

A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

In fact, I had been ready to send a search party. Worried, perhaps, you had... [been] ravished by leprechauns, desperate for their lucky charms. ↗

— [SirLeo]

#humor

A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can't prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I'm not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I'm still like a psychologist (except I can't diagnose or treat mental illness). ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#therapy #humor

and tell him to paint me a sign, with-"no suicides permitted here, and no smloing in the parlor;" might as well kill both birds at once. ↗

— Herman Melville

#humor

They follow meaningless, boring rules and live meaningless, boring lives." Ahh," I say. "Except for you, of course." That's right." Because you eat butter straight from the pan." She arches her eyebrows, like Hey, I call it like I see it. Whatever," I say. "I'm not going to eat Snoopy just to make a statement. ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#snoopy #statement #humor

For some the journey of highschool was probably pleasent or easy like swimming down a stream or walking down the street, but for me it was like climbing up a muddy hill ... while its raining ... with no shoes. ↗

— Elizabeth S Rolph

#humor

Speak your mind, but ride a very fast horse!! ↗

— John Wain

#humor