#mo

Maybe I could be a ninja assassin too, Jack thought. ↗

— Jane Seville

#humor

Hey, rock dude, are you destroying the house? Causing mayhem? Who’s a ferocious gargoyle? Stoney’s a ferocious gargoyle. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one. ↗

— Claire Cook

#humor #humor

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it. ↗

— David Eddings

#fashion #humor #humor

Cyclones cannot see you if you don't move" "That's dinosaurs you crazy fruit bat! ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#humor

I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#sex-appeal #humor

Who's got my Jaffa Cakes? You know I can't function without Jaffa Cakes. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#humor #jaffa-cakes #humor

I do not care to speak ill of a man behind his back, but I believe he is an attorney. ↗

— Samuel Johnson

#cheapshots #humor #humor

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "We're supposed to be celebrating our two-week anniversary tonight." "Uh, news for you, honey - two weeks is no anniversary." "What should I tell him? I don't even want to go." "Tell him you just got a new bra and it's shy around strangers. ↗

— Robin Brande

#humor #humor

Duty has a trick of behaving unexpectedly -- something like a heavy friend whom we have amiably asked to visit us, and who breaks his leg within our gates. ↗

— George Eliot

#humor #life #wisdom #friendship