#mo

In every possible instance Saint Paul begged Christians to restrain themselves to contain their carnal yearnings to live solitary and sexless lives on earth as it is in heaven. "But if they cannot contain " Paul finally conceded then "let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn." Which is perhaps the most begrudging endorsement of matrimony in human history. ↗

— Elizabeth Gilbert

#corinthians #humor #marriage #st-paul #humor

Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor #julie-garwood #romance #humor

Have you ever been turned down by a girl who afterwards married and then been introduced to her husband? If so you'll understand how I felt when Clarence burst on me. You know the feeling. First of all, when you hear about the marriage, you say to yourself, "I wonder what he's like." Then you meet him, and think, "There must be some mistake. She can't have preferred this to me! ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

As Stephanie and Lula were going after the bad guys, Lula was making preparations from the trunk of her Firebird. Stephanie looked inside and stopped breathing for a beat. "That's a rocket launcher!" "Yep," Lula said. "It's a big boy. I got it at a yard sale in the projects. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#lula #stephanie #humor

You nearly killed eight people!" I managed to gasp out loud. "My count was closer to twelve," returned Havisham as she opened the door. "And anyhow, you can't nearly kill someone. Either they are dead or they are not. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor

... he trotted down the hallway on all fours and started in on his second favorite pastime, conversations with plumbing. Just what I needed: Stone, the Toilet Whisperer. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Make everything an adventure. Otherwise, it will suck. ↗

— Nita Morgan

#humor #life #humor

It's that quirky kind of weekend feeling they write ridiculous sunny-day songs about. You know the ones--I'm sure they're on your iPod even though you'd never admit it. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#true-to-life #humor

Remember how it felt yesterday? What you saw me do?” I snorted and grinned. “Man, do I ever. I remembered twice last night and again this morning. ↗

— Missy Welsh

#innuendo #masturbation #humor

Bologna girl, that's me. ↗

— Laurie Halse Anderson

#humor