#mo

Failure: the renewable resource. ↗

— Kay Ryan

#poetry #humor

People ask why are you so strange and I always reply why are you so normal... ↗

— Shadowstorm Norwicca

#shadowstorm #humor

We just lost our electricity. You want to tell me what’s so funny about that?” “It’s not exactly funny. It’s more of a good news/bad news situation.” “In that case, hit me with the good news first.” “They’re both sort of rolled up into one.” “Stop stalling.” “All right. Now don’t get mad, but . . .” Smothered laughter drifted toward him. “Cal . . . I’m naked. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#ironic #funny

You go girl!! and don't come back ↗

— Happy Bunny

#humor

Complaining is a lot like talking, only more constructive. ↗

— Ariel Leve

#humor

He has a passport," my classmates would whisper. "Quick, let's run before he judges us! ↗

— David Sedaris

#judgement #travel #humor

Whoever had said in the guidebooks that the bum bag was a sensible device against theft had lied; no single item of dressware ever invented cried out "mug me" more than a pouch of zip-up plastic suspended by your groin. ↗

— Kate Griffin

#fanny-pack #humor #kate-griffin #the-midnight-mayor #humor

A word to those of you out there who have yet to be offended by something I have said: Please be patient. I am working as fast as I can. ↗

— Ann Coulter

#humor #politically-incorrect #humor

I shut the door and waited to see what she would do. To my surprise she lowered the gun but kept it in her hands. “I’ll give you five minutes to explain.” I opened my mouth to begin but she held up a hand. “First let me get you some pants. ↗

— Cambria Hebert

#humor

S.P.A.M. S.enseless P.eople A.always M.essaging ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#humor