#mo

Bracy sighed, "So this wasn't the heart...it was the head." "Bracy don't try to be poetic; it doesn't suit you. ↗

— Nicole Sager

#head #heart-of-arcrea #humor #poetic #talon

Even if Douglas was trying to sacrifice me and harvest my creepy powers at the time, I feel like killing people for doing awful things is probably setting a bad precedent for dealing with negative behavior. ↗

— Lish McBride

#humor

Hi honey, I’m home! Take your pants off!” Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink. ↗

— J.M. Colail

#humor #lgbt #relationship #sex #humor

Poker isn't all about the cards. Poker's mostly about attention. You got a woman whose legs are like yours, tits are like yours, hair is like yours and ass is like yours, all she's gotta do for me is sit there and half the men at the table won't be concentrating on their cards. They'll be thinking about your legs, tits, hair and ass, how much they want 'em and just what they'd do to get 'em." "I appreciate the compliment, Ty, but I don't think I'm all that." "You got a dick?" I felt my mouth twitch. Then I answered, "No." "Trust me ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#kristen-ashley #lady-luck #humor

I'm an open book. But some of the pages are stuck together. ↗

— Kelli Jae Baeli

#humor #open-book #pages #humor

Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down. 'So. How was practice?' he asked 'It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?' I said, trying to keep my cool. 'Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball ↗

— Justin Halpern

#keeping-your-cool #humor

From now on when a boy starts telling me about his lost loves I am going to run in the opposite direction screaming loudly... Somehow I bring out such confidences, and I'm pretty sick of hearing about Bobbe or Dorothy or P.K. or Liota. God damn them all. ↗

— Sylvia Plath

#lost-loves #humor

When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be naked, covered in rose petals, and sleeping with the brother of the man who'd kidnapped me. And also he'd be a duke. And possibly my stepbrother. Then one of us would get stabbed with a broken whiskey bottle and/or raped. Turns out the only part I was right about was that one of us was going to get stabbed. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry. Most people do. ↗

— Norton Juster

#humor

I have never been to a court s gracious as the one Neha keeps. Dmitri played a knife through his fingers, one of the three he'd brought back from Neha's territory. "She truly believes in giving honor to a visitor." He threw to knife at Jason. "He threw it back as Venom added, "Thought she might have that guest neatly executed as the court sleeps. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor