#mo

Don't live like there's no tomorrow, that's stupid. But live your life like it's a story that you would want to tell someone else. A little fun, a little exciting, a little sexy, and always off key. ↗

— Phillip Defranco

#inspirational #humor

He didn’t want to be married! And what the hell did a ‘bottom’ husband do, anyway? Was it like…like a housewife or something? Was he supposed to cook and clean and shit like that?? “I HATE cleaning! I don’t wanna be married; I wanna go back to being a whore!!!! ↗

— Twisted Hilarity

#humor

Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me. She nods. 'Why?' 'Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten--well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.' 'Really?' She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment. ↗

— David Levithan

#vegetarian #humor

Besides, when I look around me at the men, I feel that God never meant us women to be too particular. ↗

— Marie Jenney Howe

#women #humor

A compliment would be the last thing out of my mouth to a man who was so pigheaded that he could be served at a luau. ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor

I never knew she liked country music," Smitty said in awe. Yeah, that must make her prime mate material for a Smith. She'll fit right in at one of your hootenannies." -Mitch to Smitty ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #smitty #humor

Love is mysterious and rad, like Steve Perry from Journey ↗

— Diablo Cody

#humor #love #humor

Who's Heinz and what's an accordion?" -Spader ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

You can't ride two horses with one behind. ↗

— Woody Allen

#woody-allen #humor

And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks? ↗

— Catherine Gilbert Murdock

#obedience #parenting #humor