#mo

I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#mornings #humor

Fucking fuck fuck of a fuck.” Shame dug in his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter. His hands shook as he lit up. “Eloquence, thy name is Flynn,” Terric said ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting? ↗

— K.R. Smith

#vampires #werewolves #humor

Well, aren't you Mother fucking Teresa ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck's really goin on down there? Who is the real hero? ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#humor

she was one cocktail away from proving his mother right ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Ground Control to Major Spazz. Can you hear me, Major Spazz? ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#humor

Nothing heals the soul like chocolate," she said. "I just love chocolate. It's God's apology for broccoli." (said by Macy Wood, Finding Noel by Richard Paul Evans ↗

— Richard Paul Evans

#inspirational #humor

Indeed, one concern would be that the initial neoconservative response to a zombie outbreak would be to invade Iraq again out of force of habit. ↗

— Daniel W. Drezner

#politics #zombies #humor

Instead of celebrating with a cake (too full of poisonous refined sugars) and presents (too materialistic), my mother would come into my room at exactly 3:57 A.M. to tell me the story of my miraculous emergence into this world, as if it was some fairy tale. Although I supposed few fairy tales involved the words 'vaginal flowering'. ↗

— Molly Harper

#mo #werewolf #humor