#mo

Schist," said an angry voice from the grass. Hazel raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?" "Schist! Big pile of schist! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#geology-humor #hazel-levesque #humor

God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#marriage #humor

Alice! You know I love you like a sister!" "Words." she growled. ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#bella-swan #humor #love #twilight #vampires

What did Finnick Odair want?” he asks. I turn and put my lips close to Peeta's and drop my eyelids in imitation of Finnick. “He offered me sugar and wanted to know all my secrets,” I say in my best seductive voice. Peeta laughs. “Ugh. Not really.” “Really,” I say. “I'll tell you more when my skin stops crawling. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

I couldn’t see Pritkin’s face very well, just a pale blur against the shadows, but he didn’t sound happy. Some people thought he had only one mode... pissed off. In reality, he had plenty of them. Over the past few weeks, I’d learned to tell the difference between real pissed off, impatient pissed off and scared pissed off. I suspected that this was the last kind. If so, that made two of us. ↗

— Karen Chance

#humor #karen-chance-sarcasm #pritkin #humor

Barrons: "He got upset it wouldn't shut up and tore its head off." Mac: "The child?" I gasped ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor #paranormal-romance #humor

He had even read Pride and Prejudice--although he had thought that many of the heroine's problems would have been solved if someone had simply strangled her mother. ↗

— Lynn Viehl

#pride-and-prejudice #humor

There's a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don't look the way they used to, and it's not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It's because of hair dye. In the 1950's only 7 percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all. ↗

— Nora Ephron

#humor #women #humor

There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in gray water. "What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. "Your new school uniform," she said. Harry looked in the bowl again. "Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well that explains a lot about the DC Universe. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#masturbation #humor