#ny

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#anal-sex #congress #funny #humor #politics

Well now," the scholar went on, "I'm just an old fuddy-duddy who could use a tan, so you needn't grant my opinion any authority, but I consider the queendom lucky that a handful of Milliners and their children lived incognito among the population during Redd's tyranny. ↗

— Frank Beddor

#frank #glass #humor #incognito #looking

I'm not crazy, but I suspect the voices in my head are. ~Chrissy ↗

— Kelli Sullivan

#funny

All this talk of lost love has made me hungry. I eat like a horse and stand tall and proud like a jockey. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #funny

Like the ocean I wave. Hello and goodbye are the same, when I talk with my hand. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#goodbye #hello #humor #funny

I know what party you’re talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you’re going to be there in a costume.” He winked and leaned back in his seat. “I’m going as a homeless person.” “Sexy. ↗

— Chanelle Gray

#funny #humor #romance #funny

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. ↗

— Victor Borge

#anything #aspirations #because #between #else

All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty. ↗

— Hannah Harrington

#face #fact #funny #girls #humor

You make me sound like an arrogant ass," he said. "Are you?" "No! I'm just me. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#dragon #funny #humor #funny

You worked every day to earn what's on the table, literally. It was a week-to-week thing. And I wouldn't change it. I would not change it for anything. ↗

— Scott Brooks

#change #day #earn #every #every day