#o

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#humor

My beard grows down to my toes, I never wears no clothes, I wraps my hair Around my bare, And down the road I goes. ↗

— Shel Silverstein

#humor

A novelist can’t be without a kimono and pen!(Shigure) ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#kimono #novelists #shigure #writers #humor

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here. ↗

— Jerry Seinfeld

#humor

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them. ↗

— Mae West

#better #going #got #i #i see

Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me." "Do you mean you want a secretary or something?" "No, I'm asking you to marry me, you little fool. ↗

— Daphne du Maurier

#humor

How poor are they that have no patients! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?'" "Shakespeare isn't going to save you this time, Superman. Your time's run out." He scowled. "Perhaps I should have been studying The Taming of the Shrew! ↗

— Colleen Houck

#kelsey #ren #romance #humor

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

Pranks vs school= pranks win all day ↗

— Justin Bieber

#humor

We scarified a mosquito. I bet that's what did it. It was probably a virgin too. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #humor